Hi and welcome to my in depth bio. Rest assured that no expense has been spared in the writing of this web site bio. Teams of researchers were painstakingly assembled, taken apart and reassembled using only the finest precision Swiss pieces and then sent to the four corners of the globe so that no stone would be left unturned and no cliché unused in the making of this web site bio. Even people who on face value had no connection with the subject were repeatedly grilled and harassed until our team feared for its own safety.
Needless to say, though in fact I have or at least will shortly say, while in the field our researchers were subjected to immense hardships including natural disasters, civil war and outright hostility to anyone dressed in a white lab coat. Undaunted, their diligent work resulted in a preliminary report that amounted to over 25 volumes! These volumes were then hermetically sealed to ensure that they would not be compromised in any way and sent via special courier to central control, where they were catalogued not only according to the alphabet but also by size and weight. Each report was then scoured by an independent team of highly motivated, though somewhat emotionally unstable group of fact checkers who scrutinized the work not only for accuracy but also for the ability of the report to withstand conditions that might be brought about by a nuclear winter.
When all 25 volumes had been scrupulously checked, they were combined, reread and sent to a ghostwriting team comprised of many world-renowned though somewhat underemployed authors. Here redundancies were eradicated, duplication was eliminated and any repetition was thoroughly expunged. In time the entire 25 volumes were reduced to a single 250 page report. This report was then returned to the original fact checking team who having had nothing to do for a few hours, went out for an extended lunch but were quickly rounded up and encouraged, if not cajoled into scouring the report once more for any erroneous facts which may have been inserted solely for entertainment value.
Once rechecked, the report was sent back to the team of ghostwriters whose sole mission was to reduce the 250 page report so that it would easily fit on one web page. This reduction process took over 7 months with experts from all over Europe being needlessly flown in to help the team with their efforts. Finally the end product was sent back to the fact checkers, who by this time had left town but with the help of a forwarding address, were relocated and forced to comb once again through the document for any misinformation. They then resubmitted the report to the ghostwriting team for further polishing and once it was okayed by the group leader, the draft was tested on sample groups from over 35 countries. These groups were asked to read the draft with an eye to material that they might find offensive and without merit. The result was then resubmitted to the ghostwriting team who pulled all the offending material and rewrote the remaining bits. This sanitized version was sent back to the fact checkers, who under threats of violence to themselves and certain family members, once again examined the draft for accuracy. The final draft was then submitted to the project head who deleted anything that she felt was inappropriate or just none of your business. This draft was then sent to the design people who after making their own random deletions, posted it here on my web site. So please enjoy my in depth bio.
I was born in Halifax but have lived in Toronto for almost as many years as someone who has lived here slightly longer. I’ve appeared on television. radio and stage, did time at Second City and spent a few years with the improvisational group, The Chumps. I’ve also worked as a musician, stand up and writer.